


So He Claims

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Abuse, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Infidelity, Jane Eyre retelling, Mental Illness, Minor Character Death, Muggle AU, Not childhood friends Lily/Severus, Victorian boarding school, keeping secrets, lying, victorian au, younger woman/older man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:35:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24448963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: Lily Evans was hired to teach Mr. Prince’s ward, but finds much more in the old manor house.Falling in love with her employer is just one of many things that will shape how she sees herself and her future.
Relationships: Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 5
Kudos: 26
Collections: Before the Spring Snaps: The Classics





	So He Claims

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [BTSS2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/BTSS2020) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre)
> 
> Persephone Stone thank you for betaing this. 
> 
> And Ravenpufflove for listening to my ramblings and crazy ideas.
> 
> This piece challenged me to be a better writer and open my heart to a classic I have come to love.

Lily Evans was grateful to have a job; not everyone in her situation did. Things could be far worse, all things considered. She stepped out of her carriage, her long skirts brushing the ground as she did so. Lily was here at Hardwick Hall to be a governess to a girl named Delphini. A woman with soft grey curls stood at the door; a tartan shawl wrapped around her frail shoulders.

“Hello, Ms. Evans. I will be the one to show you around Hardwick,” said the old woman. “My name is Minerva McGonagall, and I am the housekeeper here..”

“Thank you, Miss.”

Lily followed the old woman into the manor, through large wooden doors with heavy brass knobs that glistened in the afternoon light. She stared down at her skirt, trying not to make a sound. Women were supposed to be seen and not heard; moreso women of her position. The house was beautiful, gilded even, everything clean. But it was also dark, and cold. The worst part was the coldness of it all.

“Here is your room,” said Minerva, her brown eyes warm.

The room was larger than the one she lived in while teaching at Hogwarts. There was a bed in the corner, a writing desk and a chair by the black-curtained window, and a trunk for her things at the bottom of the bed.

“I will leave you to it then. Get settled in,” Minerva said to Lily and she left her in her new room, alone. She got to work putting her things away. There was not much: merely three nightdresses, a cloak, a few pairs of socks and three day dresses, one of which she was wearing. Lily took off her boots and set them by the door.

There was a small mirror above the desk, and she stared at her reflection. She had pale skin, horrible, nearly-orange hair, and bright green eyes. Petunia had told her eyes were like a witch, and freaky, though her sister had also insisted her hair meant her father was an Irishman and that they weren’t really even sisters.

Lily Jane Evans, at least in her own opinion, was quite plain. Thankfully, governesses were not hired for their beauty, but for their education. It was the only good thing her aunt had ever given her; even if Hogwarts was a school for the poor. Soon she would have to go down and face her new pupil. Lily had heard horror stories about the children some women were required to teach. She only hoped that she was not so unlucky.

********************************

Lily sat as properly as she could on the small sofa in the drawing room, smoothing out her skirts for the third time since sitting down. Chewing on her lip, she tried desperately to calm herself. Children were not something new and unheard of for her. Even if this one one had an odd name and was the ward of her boss, whom Lily had yet to meet. Mr. Prince had yet to show his face in his own home. It wasn’t as if he owed her anything - not even his presence. Mr. Prince was simply her employer and nothing more. If Lily never met him it would change nothing, so long as she still was paid, which Minerva the housekeeper would see to. But the elusive man did pique her interest.

Finally, Minerva brought the child in. Her hair was a black as midnight, her eyes a blue-grey like that of the ocean during a storm, her skin a warm tone that spoke to her heritage. Why would Mr. Prince take in a mixed raced child? It mattered little to her, regardless of his reasoning, as his employee it was none of her business.

“Say hello to your governess, Delphini,” Minerva said, her Scottish accent filling her tone. “She’s here to teach you, child, and you should mind her well. Mr. Prince would want you to do just that.”

“Hello,” said the child, her blue eyes downcast and staring sharply at her white leather boots. 

There was something odd about the child that Lily could simply not put her finger on, no matter how hard she tried. It did not matter, teaching was teaching and Lily was quite good at it. “Did you go to Oxford like Mr. Prince?”

Minerva laughed, a strangle, slightly choked sound like she was trying to keep in and let it out.“Child, you know he did not go there, Mr. Prince taught there,” she muttered. “Do not speak such foolishness. Someone of Ms. Evans’ situation would not attend such a place.” The woman’s brown eyes were mournful as she spoke. 

Neither of the women were of high enough status to attend such a school, though even women of much nobler birth would never attend such a school either. Women were allowed to get schooling only to become better wives and mothers if they were of higher birth, but if they were of lower rank it was so they could teach in village schools, become governesses of the children of the wealthier class, or to educate their own children if they were to marry.

Few women became writers and if they did...well, it was under another name. Such hopes of such things were quite foolish, though. Fairies were far more real than a woman going to university.

“Miss, I misspoke,” whispered the child, staring at her boots. This child seemed to have a curious mind, a wonder of the world around her. That thrilled Lily greatly. This child would be fun to teach, or at least she hoped she would.

Was Mr. Prince not here because of the fact that he was busy teaching? Was that the reason? It did not matter, not one bit. At least, that was what Lily told herself. She prepared to teach the child, they had much to learn and only so much time. The housekeeper left them to do her own daily tasks and they began theirs.

*****************************

Lily spun the globe under her fingers, showing the child as she did so. Delphini’s eyes shone with intelligence, and her smile lit up her small face. Lily remembered what it was like to be a child, to be innocent. To be curious of such things, before people ground it down and spit it out. Lily’s inquisitiveness had been beaten out of her, first by her aunt’s tongue and her sister’s fists. Then to simply make sure of it, Ms. Umbridge’s birch reed and the death of her friend Marlene had finished her off.

Marlene had been a kind gentle soul, the daughter of a pastor whose wife had died. The man sent his only child to Hogwarts when he remarried, as his wife did not want another woman’s kin in her home. The girl was sent to a school for the poor, a school she would never leave. Lily remembered it like it was yesterday. Her friend told her to accept her punishment because it would make her a better person. It had upset her at the time, but she understood why her friend said such things. You either bent to the rod or it broke you. As a child, Lily strove to neither be broken nor bent. But everyone gave in to the rod; it was just the way the world worked.

What actually bent Lily was not the rod, but the night Marlene died. She remembered it like it was yesterday.

Lily had been small then, frail even, the cold of Hogwarts’ halls seeping into her bones. Her dresses were thin, socks threadbare, the blankets on their beds full of holes. Most of the girls in the school came down with Typhus and other diseases, but, for whatever reason Lily did not get it. This led the other girls and even the staff to look upon her with scorn. They treated her like she was some peculiar sort of creature. As if she was a witch or sorceress, a conjurer of some sort. There were whispers that she would be a cunning woman, though at the time Lily barely understood what that meant.

Now she did, and it displeased her greatly. Lily was a good Christian woman, not someone who would take up with the devil. Be that as it may, Marlene never looked upon her strangely, never wavered in her care for her friend. On her deathbed, the girl cared not for herself, but Lily, insisting that her friend join her in bed so they may share their blankets. Her words would haunt Lily until she took her last breath and joined all who had gone before her in heaven.

Her friend told her she was going home going to heaven, a child of only eleven years old. Death stole Marlene from this world that night, but before it did so, she told Lily to live, that she had such a strong desire and joy of life. So unlike that of Marlene herself.

“Ms. Evans what is wrong?” Delphini asked, “What made you so upset, miss?”

“Nothing child, nothing is wrong,” Lily murmured. “One of the largest and wealthiest colonies of England is India, can you tell me anything about it?”

Gone were thoughts of the past. Lily had to be here, in the present. It was her job to teach this child to the best of her ability and that meant not allowing her mind to wander to such foolish things as the past. A past which had no bearing on the present. Everyone died, some simply did it sooner than others.

******************************

Lily sat staring out of a large window, her knitting in her lap but the needles unmoving. A dreary boredom came upon her like waves, depression etching into her soul. Carving into her side with it’s sharp claws, shredding her to utter bits. The pain of it was like an undying weight. Minerva walked over to her, eyes brown pools of sympathy, kindness, and maybe just maybe a small bit of pity.

“I was a governess once, to Mr. Prince’s mother. She was a rather interesting sort of student, if I do say myself,” said the old maid. “I think it might be part of why he keeps me around; beyond my skill of course. I too wished to see the world, to be something. Sometimes I still do when I am being even more foolish than usual.”

“I have never been around men, rarely around many people at all. My aunt kept me aside at her gatherings, much preferring my sister and cousin, her son Dudley. Then I was sent to Hogwarts where I spent little time around people. Those I did treated me with nothing less than scorn,” Lily muttered, picking up her needles and moving them back and forth with a pattern of comfort and practice. “I dream sometimes of the world beyond the hedges and the hills. I have never even been to town, let alone any further. I wonder if I ever will or if I shall spend my whole life haunting the halls of others’ manor homes? Taking care of others’ children, but never having any of my own?”

“I think some fresh air could do you some good, my child, I cannot give you a husband or a child, but I can give you a chance to go into town,” Minerva mused. “I have letters that need to be taken there. You could do it for me.”

“Thank you Ms. McGonagall, I shall, and be so utterly grateful to do as such.”

“Go now child, enjoy a bit of escape,” the woman laughed, handing her the letters as she did so.

Lily fetched her cloak from her room, a spring in her step that had been quite distant for what felt like a lifetime. Out the double doors she went, into the woods. The wind sent a chill to her bones. It was sharp and steely, sinking straight through her cloak and wool dress. 

But no matter; it was good to be out, out of the deary manor house, with its echoing halls and odd noises of things that went bump in the night. Sometimes Lily heard laughter echoing in the halls, bouncing off the plaster walls like it was some sort of monster. She knew it was just nightmares, or maybe ghosts. It was an old manor after all, surely it had ghosts, just as Hogwarts and Spinner’s End did as well, one of which was surely her uncle, her mother’s brother.

Lily heard it before she saw it, a large white, red, and black dog, possibly a foxhound, running towards her at great speed, likely having caught the scent of a fox. It blew past her as if she was invisible, or maybe it was she who was the ghost. Then a man on a large black horse came up the path, the sound of its large hooves echoing through the forest like thunder. When it came upon her it panicked, flinging its rider like he was nothing more than a mere doll.

The rider was ghastly pale, though his hair was the exact opposite; as sharp as black ink on a page. He was dressed like a gentleman, and had a feel about him that screamed nobility, one that Lily was sure she herself lacked.

“You bewitched my horse!” He snarled, his beak-like nose curled in disgust. “Who are you?”

“Lily Jane Evans. I am governess at Hardwick Hall over the hill. I am taking letters into town for some of the members of staff,” she said softly. “Who are you, Sir?”

“It matters, little. Now Ms. Evans, would you please fetch my horse?”

The great beast stood there pawing at the ground. It scared her. It was so large, and it had thrown a man far larger than she like he was merely a stone to be skipped across a pond. She reached out with her small pale hand for the horse’s reins. The man hissed sharply as he sat on a stump. The horse reared once again at the sound that came out of its master’s mouth, flinging it’s sharp dastardly hooves into the air, trying desperately to catch her with them.

“Forget it then, just bring me to the horse, it shall be easier that way,” the man growled. “Come along now, I haven’t got all day.”

Lily reached for him, helping the far larger man up onto his horse, stumbling under the weight of him. He settled into the saddle, the leather creaking as he did so.

“Be gone with you now, go to take your letters into town. I have to go to find a doctor,” he snapped, “because of your actions, Ms. Evans.” He took off then and Lily was left only with her thoughts, wondering who the strange man was.

******************************

Lily returned to the manor house to Minerva bustling around, seeming busy and distant.

“Go put on a better dress, a nicer one, that one is mud-stained and threadbare,” she snapped.

“All of my dresses look like this!” Lily cried, “and why does it matter anyway?”

“Mr. Prince has returned, and he is already in a foul mood. His horse threw him in the wood just over the hill. The last thing he needs is a dirty governess.”

“Hermione, go find something for her to wear,” Minerva said to the maid.

Lily followed the bushy-haired maid up the stairs to her room. The girl laid out a dress and just stared at her, brown eyes boring into her as if she thought Lily was rather stupid. Lily stripped and put the new dress on, returning downstairs to face the music along with the master who would not tell her his name.

He sat there in the parlor, in front of the fire, his swollen ankle on a ottoman.

“Well hello, Ms. Evans, come back to do more damage?” Severus Prince laughed mockingly, smoking his pipe. “That is not how you get your salary. I hope you know that.”

“No Sir, I didn't mean to. I am sorry,” Lily stuttered, her face heating to surely the same color as her hair.

“You lost me my fox, Ms. Evans, but with that hair of yours, you would be a fine replacement,” Severus jeered, showing off his crooked yellow teeth. The horror on her face must have made him realize her discomfort at such a subject. “But, then I would lose a good governess for my ward and that would be such a loss. You have done well with her Ms. Evans. She is not at all bright and I despise all children, wretched creatures that they are. You have rather little to work with and yet your work I see. Be proud of what you have done.”

“Thank you sir,” Lily said demurely, staring at the carpet under her feet. “Delphini is quite smart in actuality. She desires to learn about the world around her.”

“I must admit Ms. Evans, I have little interest in children. My students were as close as I could come to them, and they were truly ignorant souls if I have ever met any,” he said. “Though if I could have taught someone like you it might have been quite different.”

“I am just the help, Sir,” she mumbled. “Nothing more and nothing less.”

“We could be friends you know. I have little interest in speaking to old women or children,” Severus said, pointing at the old woman and child sitting by the fire. “So let us speak as friends. We can be friends, can’t we?”

“I am your employee, Sir,” she said. “That should put a stop to a friendship, should it not?”

“Only if I say that it should, and I say it shall not.”

“Then we shall speak as friends, sir.”

“What is your woe?” he asked. “Every governess has one; every one I have met, at least.”

“I have none, Sir,” Lily said, tucking one ankle behind the other. “I am just like any other bird, same as all the rest. All I have ever been and shall ever be.”

“The way you say that makes me doubt it to be so,” Severus remarked, taking a puff of pipe. “I think you have a fine story to tell and one day I shall hear it.”

“I should be going to bed, Sir. I have an early morning.”

“One last question before you retire,” he muttered, blowing smoke into her face, the scent of tobacco stinging her eyes and causing them to water. “Do you find me handsome, Lily?”

“No, I do not,” Lily replied. “You are no more handsome than I am beautiful.”

“What has beauty and good looks done to anyone in the world?” Severus asked her. “Wisdom and intelligence do far more good for a person. Through wisdom is earned with time and intelligence is something you are either born with or you are not.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Prince, and be well.”

*************************************

A few weeks later, a haunting laughter filled Lily’s ears. It echoed off the walls outside of her room, followed by loud banging and screaming. It wasn’t a dream; it woke her with a start. Bolting out of bed, Lily smelled it then: smoke. What in God’s bloody name?

It was coming from his bedchamber. Why on earth?

Lily twisted the doorknob open, shoving her way desperately into the Master’s bedchamber. The flames came up from the chair that sat in the far corner.

“Wake up, wake up Mr. Prince, wake up!” Lily cried, shaking his shoulders. The man did not awaken, and the flames were climbing higher. Desperation fueled her actions, and she dumped the large water basin onto him. Severus leaped from his bed like he had been bitten by a dog.

“What in God’s name?” Severus screamed, leaping with a start, smothering the flames with a heavy wool blanket. He stared at her then, his black eyes smoldering, not unlike the ashes of what has left of his chair.He snatched her into his arms, gasping “You saved me, Lily. Surely that means something, doesn’t it?”

“It was nothing, anyone would have done the same,” she mumbled, realizing that they both were in their night shirts.

“It was something, but I should go figure out what caused this. Stay here,” he said, resting his hand on her cheek, and then quickly pulling away and leaving her in his room. Lily, with nothing left to do, curled up in a chair in the far corner.

****************************

Time passed slowly at Hardwick Hall. The days grew shorter and the nights grew longer. Lily and Severus spent most evenings talking about everything, but also nothing at all. 

She didn’t know why she went looking for the man. It was surely a foolish notion to think Severus cared about her. People like her and people like him were as different as night and day. 

Lily found him in the stable, his long pale fingers scratching the black horse he had been riding the day they met. He hummed softly to the gelding. The horse was far calmer than it had been that evening, possibly even falling asleep. He did not seem scary in this instant; neither of them did. They looked at this second to be as gentle as lambs, though looks were quite deceiving, weren’t they?

A hound slept in the corner. Severus Prince seemed at home with these animals far more than he ever did around people.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on people, Ms. Evans. It is quite unbecoming,” Severus mused. “Someone might think you are doing something nefarious, and you would not want that, now would you?”

“No I would not,” Lily said. “I would want…”

“Would want, what?”

“Nothing, nothing at all,” she mumbled. _I want you. I do not know why and yet I do, but surely will never be able to have you, I am merely nothing. Or at least what my aunt and sister would say and maybe just maybe they are right._

Severus reached for her, his thumb pressing softly into her bottom lip, her chin resting in his palm.

“Lily, nothing is far from what I would say about you,” Severus whispered. “You are wonderful, magnetic and with a mind that nothing can compare to.”

Lily pulled away from him, crying out, “I am not something to be teased with and set aside like a child’s toy. I do not exist only for your amusement.” She ran back to the house, hiding away in her room, falling into her pillows and crying for all she seemed to have ruined and would continue to ruin...

*******************************

Lily did not know why he insisted that she be here with the people who sat in the corner of the drawing room. Astoria Greengrass, with her starlight blonde hair, sat at the piano. The bloody woman lit up the room as if she was born to do just that. She wore a rose colored dress, and Severus stood next to her, smiling down at her. They were like night and day, Severus and Astoria. She was beautiful, young, and fairy-like. He was sullen, temperamental, and dark. But that did not change the fact that they seemed to get along, much to Lily’s dismay.

Astoria’s friend Pansy made a stupid joke at the young governess’s expense, laughing at herself as she did so. The young Mr. Malfoy sat closer to her, clearly drunk, smelling as if he had bathed in a vat of whiskey.

“You’re quite pretty for a governess, besides that red hair of yours,” he hissed in her ear, blond hair brushing her face. “If you did something about it you might actually be able to find yourself a husband.” 

His hand rested on her leg over her skirt. She wanted to pull away, and if he was someone of lesser status Lily might have even smacked him. But she noticed it then: Severus watching her. Black eyes boring into hers, snarl gracing his pale face.

“Mr. Malfoy, shouldn’t you be heading to bed?” Severus asked, his tone sharp and harsh. “I believe my governess doesn’t enjoy your attention.”

“Draco, come on let’s go for a walk in the gardens,” Pansy said. “It’s a full moon so it will be far more beautiful than it usually is.”

“Yes, you should go for a walk with Pansy.”

Lily sat there, shocked by it all. Why did the man even care? It wasn’t as if she even mattered to him. She was just an employee, no different than a dog. There for a purpose, not something that he would ever take an interest in. 

If Lily was lucky, she would find a husband of the middling type and marry him. If not, then she would end up like Minerva, spending her whole life serving other families and other children. A life with nothing to show for it in the end. 

And yet he was staring at her, looking at her as if she was something important to him. Although that could be the same way Severus looked when someone touched his prized foxhound. Lily was nothing; she was neither pretty, nor wealthy, nor did she have anything that actually made her worthy of such attention.

She knew in her heart that she should ask him to find her a new position, Delphini should go to school and Lily should go find different employment. As heartbreaking as that may be.

Lily calmly stood, walking to her room. She could hear him, following her. Why in God’s name would Severus do such a thing? She was just a mere servant. It did not matter what she thought. It did not matter if she was upset. The man should go back to his beautiful future wife and stop trying to rip her heart out of her chest. It was if he thought she had no feelings, as if because she was poor and homely she had less feelings than those who were born . That was not the case, Just like Astoria, Lily had feelings, and Severus Prince seemed to enjoy torturing her, waving what he was doing in her face, but unwilling to send her away. Lily spun on him, finally getting the courage to say the words that were haunting her.

“Delphini should go to school to prepare for the fact you are planning on marrying Ms. Greengrass. And I should find new employment.”

“If that is what you want,” Severus muttered, crossing his long arms over his chest. “I will find you another place of employment.”

“If that is what I want?” Lily asked. “What I want is for you to stop stomping on my heart, stop assuming that I have no feelings, that I am no better than a machine. Something that you can turn on and off without care for what I might feel. You send me away as if you feel nothing for me.”

“I feel everything for you Lily. More than words can describe, more than anyone will ever be able to make sense of.”

“Then why are you marrying her? Why are you marrying Astoria?” she asked, “You claim to care for me, yet you are going to marry that vile woman?”

“Marry her?” he asked, leaning over her. Severus was far larger than Lily and that was quite clear. He smelled like herbs, woods and smoke. “You think I want to _marry_ her?”

“Why else would you invite her here, show her off to all those around?” Lily asked, trying to pull away from him. “And me make me sit there and watch? I am not like every single other stupid bird. I am not a doll to pull off a shelf and play with and then put back. I am not here for your amusement. I wish I could make it just as hard for you to leave me as it hard for me to leave you. I may be poor, plain, maybe even ugly, with stupid red hair and eyes that look like they belong to a witch, but--”

“You are not like everyone else Lily Evans, and yet I want you.I do not know why or even how, but you have ensnared me. You are my equal; my equal in intellect and of all matters of the heart. I need not for a pretty bird, but one whose heart sings the same song as my own. It is Astoria who is the machine, not me or you. We have hearts in our chests that beat and feel, and mine calls to yours above all else,” he whispered into her ear. “So all I have to ask of you is to marry me. Lily Jane Evans, will you marry me? One in the same we are, as broken, damaged and bruised by the world. But, we can make our lives better together, we can be something together.”

“Yes,” she cried, tears pouring out of her eyes, causing her to make an awful noise that was something in between a cry and a snort. “Yes, I will marry you, Severus Tobias Prince.”

Severus leaned down and kissed her, long pale fingers tangling into her red hair, pulling her close. Tongue in her mouth, hand on her hip. He pulled away from her after a few moments. 

“If we do not stop, I will never stop,” he muttered. “And we should not do that, Lily, as much as I so desperately want to.”

Lily pulled him closer, resting her hand where his neck met his shoulder.

“I love you, Severus. I love you with every single bit of me, every single fiber of what makes me, me who I am. Good night.”

“And I love you, Lily Evans,” Severus murmured. “Every single part my soul longs for you. All of my heart is yours. It belongs to you, and with you it shall remain for all of my days. Good night and sleep well.” 

He kissed her cheek and then made his way to his own room. Hermione stood there then, her wild curls in disarray, her pale skin and brown eyes illuminated by the candle which she held. Lily had never heard the woman speak before, and that made her uncomfortable once she heard her voice. The woman had a book tucked under her arm, leatherbound and old.

“Do not trust him, Ms. Evans. Lily, Severus is not all he seems.”

“He has only ever been kind to me,” Lily sneered.

“And what of how he is to others?” Hermione asked, “does that not matter to you?”

“I have only ever seen him kind and generous to all of us. You should not speak ill of my fiance,” she snapped at the rude servant. “I do not know why you hate me, Hermione, and to be honest I do not really even care. Keep your opinions to yourself.”

“Do not say I did not try to warn you,” Hermione snapped, walking away from Lily.

“Do not assume I care what you think,” she shot back, but the maid was gone.

Lily lay in her bed that night trying desperately to get herself to sleep, knowing that an early morning awaited her. No matter what, Delphini still needed to be taught. What happened this evening did not change that fact. 

There were footsteps now, loud and echoing off the walls. There was creaking as something or someone opened her door. Before her stood a ghoulish creature, hands like the talons of a bird, its black disarray of hair wild and knotted, . Its teeth like knives. Its hands clamped down on her legs under the blankets, nails digging into her flesh. Desperate to wake herself from the nightmare, but also out of pure terror,Lily began to scream. The sounds tearing from her throat sounded nearly as inhuman as the creature who pinned her to the bed.

“He’s mine,” howled the beast. “He is mine, he was mine first! And mine he shall always be! Leave this place and all who dwell here.”

A black cloaked figure dragged the creature from the room and Lily fell asleep, hoping desperately it was a dream. She would rather dream Ones of wedding bells and white veils.

*********************************

Severus sent away the Greengrass sisters, the Malfoys, and all those who came with them. The manor house was filled with joy. Delphini kept saying that Lily would become her real mother and how wonderful that would be. It got her thinking about who the girl’s mother was, as she favored Severus in hair color and sharper features. 

Yet he did not seem to feel any paternal feelings for the girl, treating her more along the lines of something he was simply stuck with. It wasn’t that the man was cruel to the child; far from it. In a lot of ways he seemed to dote on her. He could have been far worse to her, sending her off to somewhere like Hogwarts, or even abroad if he so chose to.

But, there was a coldness when he talked about the child, a matter of fact nature to his voice, as if he had been saddled with the actions of another. Though it simply might be the man did not like children and Lily was reading far more into it then she should. The man had never raised a hand to the child, or any of them for that matter. It was more than could which could not be said for Lily’s own aunt and how she treated her own ward.

Severus was leading Delphini on a large pony, the sound of her laughter filling Lily’s ears and bringing a smile to her lips. Maybe it wasn’t that he did not care for her, but the fact he did not like children. But, in this instant, they were truly happy and that was all that mattered. Severus had ordered a wedding dress and veil for her, and they should be arriving this evening. The dressmaker would be delivering it and Lily could not wait. 

Things were moving so fast that sometimes it felt as if Lily had been given a pair of wings and dropped into the air. Minerva walked up next to her, blanket wrapped around her shoulders to keep out the chill. It might be spring, but there was a storm coming and they both could feel it.

“So, you plan to marry him?” she asked Lily.

“I do,” Lily answered the old woman.

“I had a feeling something like this would happen. I have noticed that you two have grown close,” Minerva said. “I have known the Princes most of my life, I was about your age when I began teaching his mother, may God rest her soul. Eileen was a bright child, rebellious to her very core and only more so as she grew. I am not shocked Severus is following in her footsteps, though I hope the two of you have a happier ending than her and Tobias. Even still, Ms. Evans, it is very rare for a man such as him to marry his governess, I love Severus as if he were my own son, but do not count your chickens before they hatch. Do not trust him or even yourself until you are married. Guard your heart, child, and listen to your head.”

Lily said nothing, sighing loudly and staring out across the garden. Something said to her that she could trust Severus, no matter what Minerva said. He loved her and she loved him. That was all that mattered in the end.

************************************

Minerva was wrong; they were getting married. Together, Severus and Lily walked into the small white church. In this moment, everythingall seemed as if it was as perfect as it could be, as if everything was as right as rain. The minister was there waiting on them, along with their witnesses, Lucius and Narcissa. They both were rather quiet, all things considered, but it mattered little. Minerva was watching Delphini back at the manor. Friends of Severus’ Lucius and Narcissa stood with them. They both were rather quiet all things considered, strange creatures the wealthy could be, but it mattered little.

They were to be married and nothing else truly mattered. Not his strange friends, not the ghoul that seemed to haunt her nightmares and ripped the curtains in her bedroom, not the fact that she wasn’t pretty enough, not the fact that he had never told her exactly where his ward came from or if she was his daughter or not. 

Some of the other servants pointed their finger at her, laughing that she was just playing house with the master. That Lily was just a toy Severus would one day grow bored of. But, they were wrong. They started to speak their vows, the fear and dread evaporating off her like morning dew… When the church doors burst open, loudly slamming against the walls.

Why on earth would someone do such a thing? Why would they try to ruin this? Three people stood in the doorway, a woman with skin like Delphini, a man with sandy blond hair, and the footman, Tom Riddle was his name. Lily hadn’t ever spoken to him, not really. Maybe a hello or goodbye here and there but nothing truly that could truly be called a conversation. Maybe it was rather cruel of her, but to Lily the man was no different than the horses, just something that was there. She viewed him not unlike how Astoria Greengrass viewed her. Even among servants there was status and place.

“Continue,” Severus growled at the minister. ”Bloody well continue.”

The man did as he was told.

But the blond haired man cut him off, ”marriage cannot happen! Mr. Prince married Bellatrix Aurora Lestrange fifteen years ago, in India.”

“And she still lives at Hardwick Manor,” the woman, Andromeda shouted, “he drugs her and keeps her locked up like some sort of beast. Claims she’s mental, but will not let the doctors help her. For all we know, he’s using witchcraft on her!”

“Science is not witchcraft, Andromeda,” he snarled. “All they would do is keep her locked in a cage, or worse.”

“Severus,” Lily cried. “No, no, no! This cannot be, this cannot be! You wanted to--, while you're still--.While she’s--. No, I will be not part of this, Severus Prince. NO!”

He grabbed Lily, his hand like a vice around her arm, dragging her along with him. “Come Lily, let’s go meet my wife and you shall see why I do what I do, and her sister, brother-in-law and lover can join us!”

They went back to the manor, everyone standing outside waiting for them, happy at what they assumed had taken place. It would shatter them, shatter them all. Maybe not Hermione, because something told Lily said she had known all along, but never felt the need to share it. The vile woman that she was. Heartless she must be not to tell Lily; if any of them knew and they did not tell her, they too were heartless. Taking her for a fool.

Severus dragged her up the stairs, flinging open the door to the attic. What stood before Lily was the ghoul of her nightmares, the ghost that haunted the halls. Their very own creature of the deep.

“Lily, she’s horrible, dangerous. She nearly tried drowning her own daughter at birth. Bellatrix Aurora Lestrange, cares little for kindness. I did not know her when we married; our parents forced it. I tried to grow to care for her, and then came out her cruelty. Bella loves to kill small animals, screams all hours of the night at things that are not there. I swear to you, she and I might be married, but she is no wife of mine. The only person she cares for is Tom, but after her daughter was born even that stopped.” 

Severus continued on, “just watch and you shall see with your own eyes. She has tried to kill us both. She was the one who set the fire in my room. I couldn’t see her locked up in a cage. No one deserves that. Not anyone. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t mean to grow to love you, but I did and I do, and I always will.”

The woman they called Bellatrix, grabbed her then, hands like claws, nails like daggers trying to rip the dress off of Lily’s body.

“What did I tell you? You stupid little mouse?” She cackled, “he’s mine. And mine he shall always be. He belongs to the Dark Lord, and you little pets aren’t welcome.” The woman stared at the corner, then leaping and crawling to it, letting go of Lily in the process. “I am sorry master, I haven’t been able to bring him to your side!”

“There are no Dark Lords, Bella!” Hermione shouted. “How many times must I tell you there are no such things as Dark Lords, God, is it too much to ask you not to behave like this? I can’t have one God Damn day, Severus, one bloody day?”

“Have you seen enough, Lily?” He asked her., “Ddo you understand now?”

Lily ran from the room like the devil himself was chasing after her. Severus followed after Lily on her heels, chasing her.

“I need to go, Severus, I need to leave this place.”

“We could leave together Lily,” Severus begged. “Go to France and be husband and wife.”

“You are already married, Severus,” Lily cried. “Be that as it may, whatever she may be, Severus, you and I cannot be.”

“We could if you wanted to. Our souls sing the same song, the same beautiful melody and that will never change. Not in a million years or lifetimes.”

“I will go and you shall stay.” 

Lily ran away, then running out of the double doors. Running ran like a demon was chasing her and the name of it was her own pain.

*********************************

“What is your name?” a man asked Lily. “Where are you from?”

Lily blinked and groaned. She was so cold, even though she was wrapped in blankets.

“My name is Jane Edith,” she said to him.

“I am James Potter. Is there anyone I should get for you?” James questioned.

“No one. I am nothing,” Lily mused.

“You don’t look like nothing,” said another man in the corner.

“Surely, not.”

“Who are they?” she asked.

“They are Sirius and Remus, my brothers in all but blood, and you, Jane, should sleep,” he said.

Lily curled back under the blankets and did just that.

Weeks had passed. Lily had grown strong. As it turned out, James was the man who had saved her that night. The pastor of a small church, though he had plans to go to Jamaica to become a minister for their people. He seemed like he kept wanting to ask her a question, though every single time he began to speak he ended up running away from her, his cheeks and ears turning bright red. Sirius was the most talkative of the men, always making jokes. Mostly at her expense. This could be her home if she so desired it to be.

Remus was the quiet one of them. The far more bookish one of the three. The one who also did not seem to believe her. James, on the other hand, seemed smitten with the very idea of her, like a puppy who would follow you home. Remus would also watch her though, with his wolfish golden eyes. The man was quite strange in his own way. Remus stood inside her school house, where Lily had started teaching the students of the village.

Most of her pupils had left. The day was ending, the sun was setting, and the rather long day was finally over. Her feet ached, her back was rigid from standing far too straight, and her knees clicked. But this was honest work, and honest work was hard to come by for a woman of her standing. Lily missed Severus. The place he had held in her heart was like a wound that always bled and could not heal. 

It was wrong to love him. The man was already married. Married to a woman who, while her mind was lost in her demons and fragmented, was still his wife. Nothing would change that until one of them was dead. So in a way, Lily was like a widow, a widow who had never married and would never marry, but a widow all the same. Lily Jane Evans was a widow to her emotions and the love she held for Severus Prince.

“I know your name isn’t Jane Edith,” Remus said. “But I do not understand why you would lie.”

“Are you going to tell me how you know?” Lily asked, nothing bothering to lie to the man if he knew there was no reason to.

“Minerva and I are cousins. She mentioned you once or twice in her letters,” he said. “You know you are like a daughter to her.”

“Are you going to out me to your friends?” she snapped, not bothering to care. Surely they would toss Lily out on her arse once they knew.

Liars were not good people to teach children how to be good governesses, mothers, and wives, were they? It was a village school and those were the only hopes these girls had, and now they wouldn’t even have someone to teach them to read. Few people would take a job like this, would choose to live in a one-room shack. But the place suited Lily, as did teaching. The sameness was comfort after so much upheaval.

“Nothing, I plan to do nothing,” Remus mused. “It is your choice to hide from what has happened and what your life once was.”

“Then why do you mention it to me?”

“Because I think you should go back.”

Lily started gathering her things, tucking them into her bag, yanking her fingers through her red hair as she did so. “You don’t understand, Remus, I can’t go back. I just can’t. There is nothing for me there. Mr. Prince--”

“Isn’t the only person who cares about you there,” he said.

“I have my students, my work, James, Sirius, and you…” Lily said, “I have made a life here; an honest one. That is far more important than happiness.” She slammed the clasp of her bag shut, swinging it over her shoulder. “You are the friend of a minister. You of all people understand why I cannot return and live in sin. It is not to be, Remus Lupin, no matter how heartbreaking that fact is to me.”

Turning on a heel, Lily left him standing there in the empty schoolhouse. Remus followed her out, chasing after her with his far longer strides, catching her easily by the arm. His grip was firm, holding her still.

“I lost someone, once, someone whom I loved dearly,” Remus remarked. “If I needed to be a sinner to be with her, Lily? I would do so without question. Without thought. Without consideration. If you ever decide to return to Hardwick Hall, I shall help you get there and do all that I can to help you.”

“What was her name?” she asked, “the woman who had owned your heart?”

Remus pulled his pipe out of his pocket, lighting it, taking a sharp puff as he stared into the distance. He said nothing, merely let out a soft sigh.

“As I said, I shall help you if you would like.”

*******************************

The sound of Severus calling her name filled Lily’s ears. It had such a mournful tone to it. It shattered her heart; the monstrous thing was betraying her. Making her feel such things, which Lily had buried deep, avoiding it like a mole hill in a garden. Remus’ words danced around in her mind like the flames of a fire. Lily could return to the man who owned her heart. Not to be with him, but to finally lay to rest the pain of never being able to call him her own.

It was early morning, light streaming through the window. Lily dressed quietly, pulling on her dress, stockings and boots. The front garden called to her. It was a feeling, deep in her heart and mind. Lily found Remus out there, wearing his worn and patched brown coat, hands shoved deep into his pockets, ever present pipe hanging between his lips.

“Lily,” he mumbled. “Good morning, how do you do?”

“Why do you call me Lily?” she asked sharply.

“It is your name, is it not?” Remus questioned, smoke billowing around him in puffy grey clouds. “What else should I call you?”

“Remus, was your offer real?” she pleaded, desperately hoping it was and it wasn’t all in the same instant.

“It was. Shall I fetch the cart and horse?” His golden brown eyes were warm and hopeful.

“Yes.”

Remus did so and they were off. 

“Chocolate, get along,” the man murmured, reaching for the lines, the whip just within reach.

Time passed slowly, in total silence. Together they traveled over the windswept moors, with their long grass, the landscape reminded Lily of her childhood. Of the times that had long since past. Sitting next to her father as they made their way into town to sell their goods. She wondered what he would think of her and the choices she had made, but the man was dead. His opinions mattered little. It might be crazy to do this. There was an insanity to all of it, going back to Severus. 

Remus said nothing, smoking his pipe and looking utterly mournful. The man acted as if he carried the weight of a thousand mountains on his narrow shoulders. They reached Hardwick Hall in good time. Turning to Remus, Lily threw her arms around his wispy frame.

“Thank you, Remus,” she said. “Thank you for all that you have done for me, and for your friendship.”

“It was nothing, miss, nothing at all,” he huffed. “I shall tell James that he should find a new teacher.” Remus tipped his hat to her, but before he sent the horse on he said, so softly Lily could barely hear it, “Her name was Luna. She married another, and died in childbirth not long after.”

The horse plunged forward, its strong legs carrying both man and cart away from her. Lily walked up the path to the manor she had once called home. It was silent, as if it had been blanketed by a shroud. Gone was the ever-present baying of the hounds, gone were the horses grazing in the fields. It may as well have been a graveyard for the lack of life on the property. 

Lily walked on. Her feet carried her swiftly along the path that she had walked many times. It was then that Lily saw it: the burned-out ruins that had once been the beautiful manor. All that was left of the manor was its bones. Lily ran through the doorway, desperate to see what was left of the hall. Everything Lily touched crumbled into a pile of ash under her fingers. Severus was dead, he must be.

“No,” she screamed, howling into the air, though only ghosts could hear her. “It cannot be.”

“Lily?” someone cried, “Is that you? It cannot be. Surely not, you must be a ghost or a memory.”

Lily turned to face the direction that the voice came from, and standing in the doorway was Minerva McGonagall. The elderly, thin housekeeper stood just as she had when they first had met, wrapped in a tartan shawl, wearing a dark grey dress, her grey hair tightly twisted back.

“I am as alive as you are,” she said. “Possibly more so. For all I know, you are the ghost.”

“I am no ghost, child, though there might be some here now.”

“What happened here?” Lily asked, swallowing hard. She had to know the answer, even if it would be painful.

“Bellatrix did what she had sought to do before, though this time it seems she had the help of Tom Riddle.” McGonagall said. “Wretch that he is. If I would have known that she and Mr. Prince were married, and that woman was his wife, I would have told you. But, maybe that’s why he never told me, or maybe he was ashamed of her.”

“Is he dead?”

“No, of course not!” Minerva muttered, “but without him, the rest of us might be. He saved us, dragged all of out of the flames. Tried to go back in for that woman, but the neighbor over the hill stopped him. Thank heavens he did, being that Bellatrix and Tom have been spotted a few towns over. She left her child, but that might be for the best, all things considered. If there is any hope for her soul she must never see them.”

“Take me to him?” Lily pleaded. Remus was right, the laws of God and man mattered little when it came down to it.

“I will. I shall take you to him. But you must swear to me one thing: that you mean him no harm.”

“I swear it, I swear it on my soul.”

**************************************

Lily found Severus sitting on a bench outside. Delphini played with the man’s favorite hound, the two chasing each other in a strange game of hide and seek. Her laughter filled the air and made Lily’s heart clench.

“Mum!” the child cried. “Mum is back, Papa.”

“Do not talk of silly things, child,” Severus muttered. But then the hound let out a small growl. “Who goes there?” 

It seemed the man trusted the dog far more than he did his ward.

“Lily Evans,” she croaked, her voice clouded with the pain of what faced her. Severus had never been a handsome man, with his inky black hair, sickly pallor of his skin, and nose like a bird’s beak, jutting out sharply from his face. He was no more handsome than Lily was beautiful. But now, what faced her was a man with scars, crisscrossing across the skin that his shirt and coat did not hide. They were pink and bright, though thankfully healed.

“Lily Evans,” he whispered, a sad smile gracing his face. “I am sorry. I am truly sorry. For the secrets I kept. The lies I told. The pain I caused you.”

“It matters little, Severus. Someone taught me that,” Lily remarked. “We have only one life, the laws of man and God matter little if you truly love someone.”

He said nothing, but simply started to cry. The sound was mournful; whimpers that twisted her heart and soul into knots.

“I am no husband worthy of you, Lily Jane Evans. I cannot take care of you properly, as much as I so desire to do just that.”

“I believe it is my choice to deem what a proper and good husband is.”

************************************

_Yes, I married him. Some of you call me a fool. But it is not the first time I shall hear it nor will it be the last._ Lily wrote the last few lines into her leather bound book. This was their story, and what a torrid tale it was. Her name now was Lily Jane Snape, a name she held with pride. She was no longer the governess to some wealthy family, nor was she the teacher at some small village school. She was a wife and mother. They were a family. A family with a grown daughter soon to be married to a husband of her own. They had a son, a quiet little boy who took after his father. Evan was all that she had ever dreamed of.

Severus had insisted they use his father's name, the man who was the first to lose his wife to madness. It had made things easier. Minerva knew the truth, though she cared little before she had passed on. They were poor now, at least in comparison to what they had once been, but that mattered little. Money and trinkets did not buy you happiness, and they did not replace love.

Severus leaned over Lily where she sat, kissing her cheek.

“Have you finished it?” he asked, hopefully.

The scars that once marred his face had faded over the years, though they were far easier to see if you knew what you were looking for. To Lily, they had simply become part of him, the same as the color of his hair or any other feature. Time had changed both of them in more ways than one. The grey hairs around his temples, and the ache in her back spoke to the passage of time more than anything.

“Yes, I am finished,” Lily said cheerfully.

“For the night or--?”

“I finished the book, Severus, wrote the last sentence too, mind you,” she added.

“Can I add something to the end?” he asked, “since it is my story as well?”

“Yes.”

Severus took the quill from her, with his shaky hand and imperfect vision, something that the fire also damaged. He wrote out in his rather odd writing words that struck her at her very core.

_Yes… I love her; I wasn’t supposed to, and yet I did. Hearts are foolish things when you allow them to run wild._

“I love you, with every single part of me,” he whispered, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it. “All that I am and all that I ever shall be belongs to you, Lily.”

“I love you, Severus. As surely as the tide will come in each morning, I love you,” she whispered back. “Now, let us head to bed, you look utterly dead on your feet.”

Together they laid in bed that night with the thoughts of the past, the present, and the future of their lives. Filled with thoughts of the life they had had, and still would have, together.


End file.
